The Love of My Life

The title of this entry is misleading. Many people would comment about their husband as being "the love of my life", and Ryan is my husband and my one true love. But, the love of my life is much younger, she's only 8 years old. My niece Abby is "the love of my life".

On May 14, 2002 Abby was born into my family's life . She was my sister's first child, my first niece, and the first grandchild on both sides of the family. To say that she soon became the center of our universe is really putting it mildly. The first three weeks of her life I woke up early(waking up early during my summer vacation is very rare) and drove the hour long drive to my sister Whitney's apartment so I could take care of Abby as Whitney healed from her c-section and dealt with some post-partum anxiety issues.

Many mornings when I arrived in Lexington Abby was asleep. I would secretly wake her up, feed her a bottle, change her, and hold her for hours upon hours. We watched TV together, we would sit out on the deck together, we would have conversations(one-sided of course)about life, boys, the weather, etc. I was enthralled and enchanted with this child. I still am.

Over these past 8 years Abby has become my shadow, my first-child of sorts. We've had numerous sleep-overs where we've stayed up late, late into the night watching Disney Channel shows, eating cheetos, and singing and dancing. Yes, even I sing and dance in front of Abby. She certainly is way more talented in the music and dancing areas than me, and she makes sure to let me know it too. I have video tapes of her making music videos and she loves to record herself singing on my cell phone. Whenever I need a little pick-me-up I'll pull out one of her music videos or listen to one of her recorded songs. It warms my heart.

Over the past four years I've known that our sister-kinship will undergo a makeover. When my baby Ally gets here, things will never be the same. It's scary and so bittersweet. I yearn for my daughter, but I also feel such love for Abby too.

Last night Abby and I had a hotel sleep-over. Before we went to sleep Abby mentioned how on our next Girls' Night Out Ally will be with us. I can't wait!

Abby is so excited for her cousin Ally to get home. Abby will teach her so many things about life and "being cool". Ally is one lucky girl to have such a great cousin. And, I'm one super-duper lucky Aunt to have the best niece in the world!

Birth Story Part Uno

I want to share parts of what I consider Ally's "birth story". From the very beginning of our adoption it was important for me to know what I was doing they day Ally was born. So, I was vigilant about keeping a journal. Every night I would write down what I had done, who I was with, and how I was feeling(emotion-wise). Some days I just wrote a bulleted-list of some stuff, but other days I wrote so much about what was going on in my heart and how I was thinking about our daughter and couldn't wait to meet her.

Nothing really ever happens as I plan....the wait just kept getting longer and longer and I eventually lost my patience. I stopped keeping a journal. It became another reminder that Ryan and I were still childless and that we had no hope that the light would ever be at the end of the tunnel.

So, fast forward to this past Fall........For those that don't know, I've spent the past 11 years coaching/sponsoring our high school's Colorguard. From the 4th of July thru Thanksgiving my life is a mixture of practices, competitions, teenage girl drama, band booster meetings, hot bus rides, and lots of laughter, tears, smiles, and high fives. Colorguard has become a way of life for me(and Ryan too as much as he dislikes it!).

Last season was my "last" season. I knew in my heart that we would have our Ally before the 2010-2011 marcching season began. Our last competition is always the KMEA State Marching Band Pre-lims and Finals. Last season our Pre-lim competition was held at South Oldham High School on November 7, 2009. After we performed, there were hugs and crying. For the Seniors, it could've been their last performance(we had to place in the top 4 to perform at Finals).

For me, my coaching era was winding down. It was bittersweet. I knew deep-down that my time in the near future would be as a mommy, but all these kids who I've dearly love would no longer be in my life. It was very emotional for me.

Before the announcement of finalists, I needed some alone time. I couldn't go over to the field to hear the results, it was WAY TOO stressful. So, I went into our semi and sat down on a bench in the back and waited. It was so quiet and peaceful. The serenity only lasted for about 5 min before my cell phone began to vibrate with text messages informing me that Harrison County hadn't qualified to perform.

The bus ride back to the hotel was quiet excpet for the occasional sniffle from the crying. Sitting in the stands watching finals was hard; it was my last finals and I wasn't on the field with my kids.

The next day, November 8, 2009 was also emotional. So many of the band parents are VERY close friends of mine. We see each other everyday. It's sad to know that only sporadically would we get together now.

Fast forward to May 13, 2010 when I receieved "the call". Emily, our China Coordinator quickly over the phone gave me all of Ally's information. The most important detail for me was her date of birth. She was born on November 8, 2009. So, at a time when I was going through an 'end' of sorts, my life was really just beginning. As I was saying good-bye to a part of my life, the biggest part of my life was just coming into the world......thousands of miles away.

I don't have a journal entry ot look back on to know what I was doing and feeling on Ally's birthday. I don't need one, I know exactly what I was doing and all the emotions going through my hear and heart.

Interestingly, I have a picture of myself taken on November 7, 2009. I like to think that with the time difference, Ally was being born or had just been born on the afternoon of Nov 7.



If only I had known then what a blessing was tkaing place in China at that moment. Would I have smiled even bigger?